Mon 11 May 2009
The Doors in the Mist
Posted by Julie under Featured Excerpt
1 Comment
By: illustria
NaNoWriMo 2007
About the novel:
One day, a few weeks before Christmas, the world as we know it ends. A new era begins, of pain, anguish, and sorrow; of a past that comes to haunt all of us; and a future that seems bleak with the shadows of ghosts and the unseen. Caught in this storm are the lovers Isabelle, who is studying in the U.S., and Alvarez, who is working in the Philippines. As the earth merges into one continent, and as the world they once loved threatens to destroy itself, they strive to find each other and be reunited. Their journeys will teach them that not all sad memories must be heeded, that true love can survive the tests of time and the past – and that there are ways to push back the ghosts into the doors in the mist, so that humanity can face its future once again.
A ghost gravitates naturally toward its maker. Whether it is the wisp of a past happiness or the fullest form of a present crime, a memory is a living thing. It appears, moreover, in manner and form that is most familiar to its creator. Say, if you had killed your husband in a fit of jealousy, an image of your husband would appear before you, newly slain and bloodied and urging you to bring yourself to justice.
That is why I said, human, that you may have seen your ghosts – for a ghost, any sort of ghost in your haunted houses or walking headless down your hallway, or breathing cold words into your unhearing ear – any ghost is of the making of your memories. We are your thoughts personified, your emotions brought to life.
And on that day, after the earth shook, we began to walk – to gravitate to our centers, if you will. Hence, the wailing, the weeping, the whining from midnight until infinity – and hence, the pain that would live upon humankind like a plague, save that this one could never be removed.
I first came to Isabelle when she was walking through the streets -
Ah, allow me to let my princess tell her tale. I shall try to see it from her eyes, though I cannot speak in her language, for she is what some call a wordsmith. She only feeds me; I cannot but drink from her heart.
On that Night
Isabelle was not asleep, but thinking. She had never lost her sense of daydreaming, of staying awake and staring at the patterns on her ceiling and thinking. Her mother once chided her for staying up so late: no wonder she hadn’t grown taller, if she had done nothing but think! No man wanted a thinking woman! He wanted a pretty girl – and then, only after she had presented herself as a goddess, only then could she show that she was thinking. But before all that, she had to be exceptionally wonderful to his eye, for men responded to that stimulus of feminine perfection, that beautiful eye, those red, pouting lips that seemed swollen with a thousand kisses, those blushed cheeks that were both the outward signs of modesty and teasing.
And that was what Isabelle was thinking about, as she lay herself down to try to sleep. It was not yet midnight, but she was tired from studying sociology – she wasn’t a sociologist, besides. She had started off as a scientist, then as a writer, and now, she was putting the two together – she was going to get her PhD, but as things stood, she was going to bear a good deal of suffering first before anything happened. So she decided to weigh the philosophy of a woman being herself versus a woman – well, not being herself.
It was easier than – what was it, social realism? Isabelle chuckled at the thought. She didn’t hate sociology; she just didn’t like reading for too long. Now, she decided to take a break, feed her mind with other things, feed her inner ghost with resentment – because here it was…
Isabelle was always herself. She despised having to put on a mask for a man to like her, resented being told that she was too available. For the love of all things sensible, Isabelle, virgin, too available? She fed her inner ghost slowly, but slept through her thoughts, so that she broke the food chain in its wake.
Isabelle, on the tenth floor of her dormitory, felt the tremors, but ignored them. She was, after all, used to feeling her bed shaking every time she sank into sleep.
“Or I am being hounded by demons,” she joked to herself that night. How dare she, to speak so carelessly!
And then, she felt her stomach lurch, as though it were ready to fly out of her mouth. She woke up very slowly, laughed to herself as half her brain rose gradually out of her dreams; and then gasped, as she saw the world through her window. It fell, or rose, or sank – she did not quite remember – she simply saw part of the ground rise, then fall, then shiver.
For an hour, she stared at her window, one hand on her pillow, another on the shelf next to her bed. As though it could hold her, keep her on her mattress, and not send her hurtling through what was fast becoming an abyss of darkness and stars – but she held on, miraculously.
The first thing Isabelle thought about was her family, back home in the archipelago in the Pacific.
And then she thought about Alvarez.
And then she thought about those little things that suddenly pop into your head when things go wrong. She saw her microwave oven slipping, and thought that she was hungry and wanted oatmeal – but didn’t have any milk – but couldn’t drink milk because she had a bit of a cold – and couldn’t go to a party because the cold was getting worse – but why party in this sort of weather?
And then she remembered that it had nothing to do with the weather. The sky was falling, then the earth, then the sky.
Then the whole world shivered, as though it felt the cold.
She watched the window, transfixed, and frozen onto her bed. The glass broke from the force, cracking, letting in a blast of autumn wind. She trembled, she knew, but she still did not move.
She heard herself mouth a prayer. Isabelle prayed a lot; she was short of screaming the prayer out now, screaming out every name of every saint she knew; sometimes screaming names of saints that didn’t even exist. There was a church nearby; she could hear its bells tolling from the impact. She wondered if her favorite priest was there, if he would hear her confession if she thought that she would die.
The earth shivered for a long, long time. From far away, glass broke, windows shattered, and something heavy broke into a thousand pieces. Car alarms were going off. The earth seemed to gasp, sigh, and then stop, echoing the final “Amen” that Isabelle shouted out.
She kept on murmuring her prayers, as though someone had told her to be quiet. Some angel, some saint was prayed to; inside, she doubted her powers, thinking that all would be lost, no matter what prayer she said. But she fought, the warrior Isabelle; even while she lay clasped in a thousand fears, she did not waver.
When the earth had quieted, Isabelle breathed again – she was dizzy, from the murmuring, the praying, the forgetfulness to fill her lungs with air. She froze within; the air she drew was bitingly cold.
“Mama Mary,” she heard herself make the high-pitched whisper, “Mama Mary, where are you?”
She did not expect an answer, but she swallowed nevertheless – her imagination was running wild again, and she expected to hear snarls, sneers, demons waiting to feast on her, hounds waiting to eat her alive. She did not know where the thoughts were coming from, but in the darkness, you cannot help thinking of demons and hounds – in the darkness, you humans are all alike.
Isabelle strained to see, imagined seeing nebulous shapes all around her room, thought she saw something white and flimsy flitting by her window. She shook her head, saw it once again, but blinked and returned her eyes to darkness.
She could see the world through the cracked glass; gray clouds, a few stars, some light playing on the cracks like little bolts of lightning. She could not move – she stared – feeling her face numb with the cold.
And then she thought, “I am alive – and I am going to freeze to death – and – I see the sky.”
She looked up, and saw that there was no roof above her. Limbs automatic, Isabelle stood up, stepped onto her floor, and nearly slid until she held on to her bed again.
The dormitory had collapsed, but the uppermost floors, from the eleventh to the thirteen, had slid off, like a layer of cake, from the building. Isabelle remembered hearing a crash, and screams; something in her mind had shut off the sound; something in her body had forced her to stare at the window instead. But she knew that there were at least a hundred people in the rooms above; they were somewhere on campus now, perhaps still in their beds, perhaps tossed onto the street, perhaps hanging in some trees.
Isabelle hated her imagination. She hated how her mind could blind her eyes; how her mind could see things, make up tales, speculate – she bit her thoughts between her teeth.
“Stop it,” she ordered herself.
She could hear the screams, at the back of her memory – but she sensed that something was wrong with her head.
“What a thought – wrong with my head!” the little voice in her brain tittered.
Isabelle looked up, and saw the autumn sky and its stars. She trembled, shook – tried to focus her eyes – saw fragments of stone, saw iron bars exposed, saw sparks of electricity lighting up the night for a moment.
And she heard them – the screams – getting louder – and louder – and louder – shriller – more painful – as though all of humanity had been pressed beneath fire and ice and made to suffer at the beginning of what would be eternity.
Isabelle sat down slowly again, and tried, very, very hard not to listen. Beneath her, she could hear rumbling, the sound of stones grinding against each other, the sound of electricity running through water and then dying, the sound of even more screams.
She bent over and vomited on her floor. She took deep breaths, tried not to tremble; vomited again, and then wept.
On that Noon
And while Isabelle was sleeping soundly in her bed, Alvarez, on the other side of the planet, was sleeping as well. He made it a habit, the young man, to stay awake in the evenings so that he could keep Isabelle company as she studied and worked in a time zone twelve hours away from his. So he slept, far sounder than the lurking sociologist Isabelle, who was waking up in between dreams and trying not to think.
Alvarez, on the first floor of his house, slept through the tremors. He lived near the mountains, but he did not hear them recede, did not feel the ground trembling beneath him as it settled onto the hollow caverns beneath. Unlike Isabelle, Alvarez was not in the habit of thinking before sleeping. He slept only when he was “brain dead,” as he put it; only when he was close to fainting and dropping and spewing out his gray matter from his ears.
Halfway through that hour, he felt the shivering earth – and he sat up in bed.
His first thought was a neighborhood dog – the barking had awakened him, and he thought that someone was trying to enter the house. But at noontime? Alvarez shook his head, thinking that the trembling beneath him was simply sleep – until he felt the trembles grow even keener, even sharper, even more threatening.
Outside, he could hear the sound of what seemed to be a good deal of water pouring into a large, rocky bowl. He could hear large chunks of metal smashing onto concrete. He could hear electricity, sputtering, dying, hard on his ears, making the air around him thicker. And screams – he could hear screams on every side of him, screams as the water poured into the bowl, screams as the metal hit the gravel, screams as the electricity sputtered almost endlessly, and then went out.
It was noontime – cool, a little windy, a little humid – Alvarez blinked his eyes – and found that he was staring straight at the sun. The earth was shivering still, shaking; the water was still pouring, splashing on the rim of that faraway bowl; the metal was creaking from its impact on the street. Alvarez blinked again, steeled his stomach as his imagination began to take over.
He could no longer hear the dog barking. He trembled, but did not move.
He was all alone in the house that morning. He thought of his mother, at work; his siblings, in their offices; his friends, in their offices or houses somewhere near – and Isabelle. He thought of Isabelle, and began to tremble within.
The winds grew cooler. Alvarez looked up. His roof was gone. In the sky above swirled all manner and shape of objects: roofs, shingles, glass, metal, people. Alvarez cringed at the sight, fought to close his eyes, but failed. Once or twice, he thought he had ducked, anticipating that something sharp would fall, pierce him, impale him to his bed.
And then he realized that he had only imagined it, and that he was still staring at the grisly parade, and that he was thinking of Isabelle and wondering when something would fall and then he would no longer tremble within because he was thinking of her.
Would she miss him? Where was she? What was she doing? Would she be awake? Maybe if he called her, he could tell her what was happening, and she wouldn’t worry if she didn’t hear from him for a few days.
He trembled as he got to his feet. For some strange reason, he walked to his computer, on the impulse of turning it on so that he could send her a message. He was thinking that he had no money yet to make a long distance call, the phone was outside his room, and the computer was right by. He nearly touched it, until the last shiver of the earth made him collapse onto his bed, and made the computer slide to the floor. There, it shattered, sending sparks of electricity through his carpet.
Alvarez still had his wits; he lifted his feet off the floor and put them immediately on his bed. He was lying down again, facing the sky.
The parade above him had ended, but the screams were just beginning. He had the urge to retch, but with a few more deep breaths, the urge disappeared.
He wanted his computer back. For a moment, he remembered how he had always cared for it, always made sure that it was clean outside and in, always made sure that it had the best operating system and the best devices for his job.
Now, nothing mattered.
The sky was blue above him, with a few gray clouds. He heard himself gasping for breath. He felt a few tears escape his eyes, and roll down his temples. The tears kept coming; he kept gasping.
Somehow, his hearing was growing even more and more sharp. The faraway crash of metal onto concrete soon resolved into the sound of metal folding crazily, onto itself, like the sound a roof makes when it flaps in a strong wind. The water had stopped flowing, but he could hear it gushing forth still, as though the last few drops were coming slowly down from the rim of the giant stone bowl.
And the screams – louder, harder, more definite. Someone had seen something, someone was calling for his son, someone was calling a name, someone was pressed beneath his car, someone was pressed under the weight of her house.
Alvarez tried not to listen – but he could hear the agony, the pleading, the pain – these were no ordinary screams of children in their backyard – these were grown men and women – these were the screams of the many, the dying, the damned -
While the woman he loved was weeping on the other side of the planet, Alvarez was shedding his own tears and staring at the gray sky.
